Hello guys. I am back, finally after 3 months of being hiatus. Its so hard to just sit for an hour to do some blogging. Instead its hours of composing emails to school, parents, updating this and that and constantly going online on Telegram, just to keep updated for work. Life is currently demanding, overwhelming and moving very fast. Approaching May soon, the most busiest month for school. Back to back events on weekends, and only God knows how I will turn out by the end of May. You'd probably see me as a carcass beside the road because I'd be dead by then hahahaha okay that's so exaggerating. Currently its the 29th April, and on Monday it will be a public holiday. So it will be a very long weekend for everyone. Sadly didn't get to make any plans because it was told last minute and its very hard to make early arrangements without knowing the confirmation of our holidays. You see, we have this love and hate relationship with public holidays..but I'd rather keep it shut for now haha so lets not dwell into that.
So many things have been happening.Ups and downs, beating around the normality. Getting up everyday in the morning to face the never ending responsibilities. Its all very demanding and tiring. Physically, and mentally. Lets not forget the personal side of life too. MashaAllah..how do I put it into words. I don't think I can. I think I won't speak about it. Let's keep it that way for now, inshaAllah.
All I know is, I'm going through a bad phase of self development. I mean, its really ironic that I am the person who is accountable for every child's character development in school, but looking at my current state right now, I am far fetched to even become a role model for them. Imagine living in that irony everyday and making up to the loopholes that I've created. Its a struggle that I have to deal everyday, thinking ya Allah there is a reason why I was sent here. But the amazing thing is that, I get endless opportunities to make things right. I am surrounded why souls who constantly remind me of God. To be God conscious always. The feeling, subhanallah is just amazing. Its amazing to feel connected back to Allah, once you have been strayed so far. There comes a time where I look forward to feel Allah's mercy and love, because I know it goes beyond everything. No other creation can surpass His love and mercy. Alhamdulillah, I am forever grateful to know that He wont let me go far because in the end I would come back looking for Him.
Sometimes I forget that all the worries and grief are only temporary.
Sometimes I forget that whatever happens, be it a calamity or not, He has decreed upon it.
Few weeks ago, I attended a gathering by Sister Ayesha Syahira and quoting to what she said, when something bad happens to you, do know that Allah has arranged it. He knows that it is the best for us. And Yasmin Mogahed said the same thing. For every situation that we have dealt with, good or bad, it all depends on how you see the aftermath. 'Bad things does not happen to good people'. And mashaAllah it definitely changed my views on all the miseries in life that I have encountered. What have I gain from it? Did it elevate me to become stronger? For every situation that Allah has put you through, you are supposed to gain something from it. And inshaAllah its never for a nought. Never.
I pray to Allah that He eases everything..everything that is chasing after me, and all the things that I am unsure of. If its for the best, please make me content ya Allah. If its not good for me or them, please remove myself so that they can get the life that they deserve. If this is test for us to bear, to see if we depend on your existence, then make us strong willed ya Allah.
Say ameen guys.