عايشه منيرة

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Rawang, Malaysia
A living flesh with a soul made of glass.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Incredulous


WARNING : This post is heavy with emotional rants and nonsensical confessions.
Please leave before it may pollute your mind.

I am actually struggling here. Struggling to gain back the consciousness and rationality of a normal human being because currently I'm still waking up in the state of incredulity.

Totally, utterly, impeccably in disbelievement. Wehay. I did not expect this to happen. No no no not in a million years. Not when I actually know my own weakness and capability, when I have thousands of alibi that can prove their judgement all wrong, the thought seems far and beyond  my interpretation. I may not make any sense right now because none of you actually know what is up, what is happening and why I am suddenly ranting about consciousness and ratioanality and bla bla.
 BUT OH GOD. THIS IS AISYAH MUNIRAH. AISYAH MUNIRAH HAS LOTS AND LOTS OF IMPERFECTIONS. WHAT PEOPLE SEE IS ACTUALLY NOT ME. NOT THE REAL ME. OKAY.

so...............

OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, WHY ME? ???!!!!!! T__________________T

So okay the real deal is actually I was appointed as the Vice President of Balai Islam KK8.

you may laugh now. go on. go on. roll on the floor laughing. GO ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ya Allah is this even real. yes it is :'(

This is definitely so hard to swallow, to digest, to comprehend, to analyse. Its really shocking when I first got to know that someone suggested my name, I know I wasnt there at the first meeting but..whyyyy. whyy must you do that ;(

I tried really hard in viewing this in a positive way. A friend said I focused too much on my weaknessess. Mungkin ini adalah teguran dari Allah. Teguran untuk diri ini yang lalai, lagha, entah ke mana-mana....Diri ini bagaikan langit dengan bumi kalau nak compare with other members who was appointed for the main position. I feel like the most noobest and newbie-est ever sitting there among them. Ilmu di dada yang tak seberapa, amalan pun tunggang-langgang, macam mana nak jadi pemimpin untuk kolej sendiri? :'(
Oh God is this even real......

Again, this means something. It really does. What people say, theres hikmah behind it. Okay I may not see it now, but sooner or later I will. This is the point where I realized that no matter how far you run away from responsibilities, it will still come after chasing you T_T

So Im hoping that...HIGH EXPECTATIONS is not even a word to describe this whole thing. Please dont have any of that. I need assistance, guidance, moral support and son because this AINT EASY! okay T_T

I forgot..finals is around the corner. Killmenow.


bye


sorry bercakap gaya macam orang tiada akal. Asif.


Allah...bantu aku...

4 comments:

MarMan said...

Salam well this is considered as your first time of course you are going to feel this way. You actually very modest maybe you don't realise your full potential yet... who knows this might be a good experience for you.... chaiyok munirah I am rooting for you :)

Aisyah Munirah said...

Wassalam. Thanks maryam, thats really sweet of you. Its not about having full potential or not, but 'kepimpinan' is not really my thing. I prefer working under people and sometimes I can be a bit sissy or cepat kesian with people, which is plainly pathetic T_T so you know what I mean. Pray for me ya Maryam :'( Im really scared huhu.
Thanks for the thought, I really appreciate it :')

trah zain said...

Aisyah, good luck (^___^)
Tetiba sebak Baca entry aisyah...huhu
Bittaufiq wannajah ya ukhti...
*hug*

Aisyah Munirah said...

Kakk Tirahhhh thank you! Good luck jugak. Love you <3 <3 <3

*hugs puas2*