عايشه منيرة

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Rawang, Malaysia
A living flesh with a soul made of glass.

Monday, March 05, 2012

Sighs


Salam.

Just at this moment, I feel like nothing is being absorbed in my brain, time-wasted on comprehending things I should already master and everything seemed useless. Just the useless me wasting and wasting time. Like before, I controlled my inner-self, trying not to give up on given questions and finding solutions.

Only Allah knows how I was feeling that time because I think the devil was all around me. Negative thoughts popping up, and I felt really guilty :/ until at one time, my mother called.
We talked about test 2 and final exam, and how she will try her best to fast for me on those days.
Another thing was, she adviced me that if I was feeling really depressed, couldn't get things straight or just clueless, I should let her know.
Ya Allah, with His great might, I let out everything that I kept for so long, the heavy burden deeply buried in my head, all the necessary things that Umi should know.
I couldn't hold my tears and was thankful that for the first time, I felt really blessed that Umi was concerned about me. Not that she wasn't concerned before, but its a pleasure talking to her and she was continously giving me all the motivations I needed.

I told them that I was scared in disappointing both of them, if becoming a doctor wasn't a dream come true for them. It really hurts. Not being able to make them proud and happy when quitting is a never. I never had the intention to take up that course because I know my capabilities well. When it comes to their wish, I couldnt make up my mind. But umi said, if Allah planned it that way, He is preparing better things on my path of life and I should never have doubted Him.
Khilaf ya Allah :( I seek forgiveness from you :(


Thank you Umi. This means a lot. Love you so much!

3 comments:

boredoomerz said...

وعسى أن تكرهوا شيئا وهو خير لكم وعسى أن تحبوا شيئا وهو شر لكم والله يعلم وأنتم لا تعلمون - البقرة 216

يستبشرون بنعمة من الله وفضل وأن الله لا يضيع أجر المؤمنين - آل عمران 171

we all do, dear...

fhK said...

dont worry munirah..
you just do it..

we as sulung, memang terasa berat tuk pikul semua tanggungjawab.. we feel like everything is our responsibility kan?

thats the nature of sulung.

all we have to do is. try as hard as best as much as we can
keep reminding yourself you do this for Allah, for your parents, family. for yourslef

believe in yourself that you can do it.
dont worry about the result/output.. because that one is Allah punya kerja

what we can do is the input and process.
just remind yourself, if in the input and process stages you have done good, the best you can.. as hard as you can..

then the output must be excellent jugak.

balance youself. study hard.smart but dont forget to doa, pray, solat sunat etc.. :)

insyaAllah. semua akan baik baik saja.

just do your best. just do it and never give up..

believe in yourself.

usaha, sabar, tabah, doa. tawakal.

Allah akan beri yang terbaik.. semua ada hikmahnye dear ;)

Aisyah Munirah said...

thank you to mr boredoomerz for the surahs. the meaning really gets me. much appreciated :)

kak atin, thanks sgt sgt for those words. cant wait to see u nnti :)