عايشه منيرة

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Rawang, Malaysia
A living flesh with a soul made of glass.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Ya Rab

Salam.

Satu demi satu datang. Syukur Alhamdulillah. Itu yang mampu diungkapkan.

Datang tanpa diundang dan disedari. Datang dengan tujuan untuk melihat bagaimana kita menangani semua ni. Manusia tu tak sempurna, lagi-lagi seperti aku hati yang lemah and jiwa yang mudah rapuh. Mudah rapuh sebab duniawi yang sentiasa menguji.

Dugaan dan ujian, memang tak pernah asing dari hidup aku. Memang betul, nak dibandingkan dengan orang lain, yang hidup mereka mungkin lebih jauh teruk dari hidup aku, aku dan mereka tetap rasa benda yang sama. Rasa diuji, dilihat oleh tuhan dari jauh. Boleh ke tak aku tempuh? Boleh ke tak aku bangkit saat aku betul-betul jatuh? Aku fikir, aku sepatutnya dah lali, buat bodoh dan relek je bila aku kena uji, tapi aku memang tak sekuat macam aku 17 tahun dulu. Sounds like a decade, but it was just a year ago. See how time and place affects me so badly? See how weak I am when I start facing things that I used to be capable of, but due to unexcusable reasons, I couldnt find the strength to get back up, or still looking for it. Maybe this is one punishment from Him. A punishment because I disoebeyed, I did things I shouldnt do or simply because I never put an effort in becoming a good person. In other words, nampak baik tapi sebenarnya jahat.

Macam mana eh. Aku tak tau nak buat apa, nak cakap apa, seakan-akan macam dah malas nak fikir pasal itu ini. Tapi bila emosi bermain, semua tak jalan. Thats one of my weaknesses. Emotional, emotional, emotional. I inherited that from Umi. Being emotional when you're alone, is just plain sick. The world somehow became oblivious towards yourself, and all you want to do is just sit alone in the corner, or under you duvet cover or on your pillow, and cry as much as you want, no one will stop you. Du'a is one important thing. The main thing is to keep in faith, strongly believe in His power, that he listens to you, watches you from far. I believe my faith is still hanging to my du'a and I hope it goes on afterwards. Because sometimes, when I start falling back down, I dont feel like getting up, I just hate for what had happened, even when some people say, theres hikmah to it. I am like this, and somehow I feel people will dislike me for this.

Another thing that Im quite upset about is when Im in deep trouble, and I start looking for help from the people that I trust, magically they're not there. Its like I never knew them. Its also upsetting to think that when I never expected anything in return from them and my sole intention was as a human to help and to make their life easier, they couldnt do the same to me. Why? Have I done something wrong? Was it stupid for me to trust people easily and lend a hand and all I get is nothing? Just that moment, it reveals everything, the true colors. Be it rainbow, black or white.

Tapi tak mengapalah, ikhlaskan hati dalam apa saja benda yang kita buat.

Biar orang buat jahat dekat kita, jangan kita buat jahat dekat orang. Ingat keburukan kita dekat orang, ingat kebaikan orang buat dekat kita.
Aku baru 18 tahun 4 bulan, tapi gaya aku tulis semua ni macam aku dah tua sangat, dah banyak makan garam. Padahal tak kan? Itulah kehidupan seorang insan yang tak perfect, bernama Aisyah Munirah. Nampak gaya, jodohku mungkin tiba lambat. Err yeah. Maaflah lately blog ni jadi tempat luahan hati yang terluka, sebab memang dah terluka dan mungkin akan terluka lagi so kena luahkan jugak. Kalau tak, entahla nanti penuh pulak memopad dekat handphone.

Sekarang tibalah masa untuk motivasi diri. Below here was given by Kakak PRM.

'Di dalam hati manusia ada kekusutan dan tak akan terurai kecuali menerima kehendak Allah. Di dalam hati manusia ada kegelisahan dan tak akan hilang kecuali seronok mengenal Allah. Kekuatan seorang Muslim itu bergantung kepada keyakinannya terhadap Allah. Renunglah dengan mata hati, jika semalam jalan yang kita tempuh terasa sukar, namun kita berjaya melaluinya dengan pertolongan Allah. Jika kita terasa perjalanan hari ini begitu sukar untuk ditempuh,yakinlah Allah bersama-sama kita. Jika esok kita lihat lorong-lorong penuh berduri, percayalah Allah dan pertolongannya juga akan bersama kita esok'

Sejujurnya, hari ini dan hari sebelumnya, dan hari sebelumnya, terasa begitu sukar untuk dihadapi. Tetapi benar, hari-hari tersebut dapatku lalui, dengan pertolongan Allah. Kalau tidak, I woulnt be writing this now right?

I should thank the people that helped me throughout these previous days, and of course today. You guys know who you are. May Allah bless :) Nak tuntut apa-apa boleh :)

Pray that I'll be the usual Aisyah Munirah, and all buckled up for Final Exam. Ameen.

PS - Umi&Baba, I hope your wish to go to Hajj is fulfilled, its in my prayer so dont worry :)

4 comments:

amir nazri said...

If you lose your way
Believe in a better day
Trials will come
But surely they will fade away
If you just believe
What is plain to see
Just open your heart
And let His love flow through

He's the one who knows you best
He knows what's in your heart
You'll find your peace at last
If you just have faith in Him.

a song.

Aisyah Munirah said...

...written by Amir Nazri. Ok joke. Thanks :)

ekin.. said...

nice entry..Allah will alwes be by ur side:)all da best for last paper..its fizik..!!lolllss...hehe

Aisyah Munirah said...

tq ekin love :)