Just as I am typing this, I felt the thunder in my body making those loud clashing noises. I had it since this morning, the moment I lift my head from the pillow. After three rounds of Yaasin tonight, indeed I felt the power of the surah lingering in my body and...Im better I guess.
"Belum, going to"
"Kalau dah baca sekali, tapi still tak tenang and gabra, baca lagi sekali. Kalau boleh, tiga kali"
Now I feel less tensed, but my head keeps on going round and round. Making films on that particular day. I know everyone keeps talking about this, their anxiety and how the day itself is so nearing. It is right, I mean I can feel how TIME envy our lives. Tomorrow will be over, without even realising it. And now, one thing that I fear the most is when I could not accept the fate, start blaming the fate and wishing everything would be back to the past.
Typical me. Im never confident with myself. I always feel stupid in everything I do, or say.
"Jangan cakap diri sendiri macam tu. Kalau kita salah, kita belajar kan?"
I held onto that quote. And after work,
"Me? Yakin? Never am. "
Ye. Aku memang orangnya, low self-esteem. Susah nak yakin kat diri sendiri. Aku dah buat mindmap untuk apa tindakan aku seterusnya bila detik-detik di sekolah hari Rabu ni berlalu. Kalau nak lari dari alam realiti, tak matang kan? Nak kunci diri dalam bilik, lagi la tak matang. Buat susah orang je.
Doa aku dari dulu, supaya Allah kurniakan keredhaan dan keimanan yang tinggi. Redha dengan ketentuanNya, takdirNya. Dan bersyukur dengan apa yang Dia bagi. Aku tak nak jadi hamba yang tak bersyukur, sebab aku selalu rasa macam tu. Kejayaan semestinya bukan milik aku dan untuk aku, tapi for my parents, teachers and of course our Supreme Protector of All.
So, in a nut shell, approximately less than 36 hours left till the Final Countdown. I wish to all my companions, Bellatrixians, SMKTDians and basically the 93's out there, remember that your triumph is always in my Du'a, whoever you are or whatever you are. I pray for your success this Wednesday and whatever happens, its still a phase of life you have to go through and we're long way to reach up to the mountains. Be it Everest or Alps or Krakatoa, its yours to grab it! And umm, I feel gay saying this but, I apologise for every single mistake that I have done. My words or actions that might have made your jolly day turns cloudy.
Once again, Im hoping for the best and a miracle to happen. Amin Ya Allah.