عايشه منيرة

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Rawang, Malaysia
A living flesh with a soul made of glass.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Sigh with me

Salam to all.

All I can say is that I was and still devastated with myself. I feel like Im unfathomable, everything is. Im tired of thinking too hard about tiny and silly things that doesnt get myself to Syurga. Its really painful, and sometimes, I dont have the courage to withstand anymore of these nonsense. I dont think Im needed to be in this reality. Im no good, no use. Not to mention deteriorating my loved ones hopes on me. How to face them and all. I want to give up, but hope is still there. Oh God, I wish I can cry a bucket full :'(

Im nothing, nada, nil, zero. Im a failure to my parents and yet they dont seem to mind much, which kinda hurts me even more because they are looking out for me no matter what. Maybe I wronged Allah, maybe just maybe :(

Sorry seems to be the hardest word but IM TRULY SORRY that maybe at a particular moment I will let you down forever and I cannot fulfill your dreams in seeing me as a better person. IM SORRY that one day I might ruined your hopes and at the end of the day, you could only say 'Its okay, Its His will and he decided this for you. Every cloud has its silver lining'.

Im sorry for being so emotional here. But no one would understand me. It might seem small and stupid, but it certainly has made me feel so bad and sad that I cannot even endure it.

Sorry :'( . You can hate me if you want.

7 comments:

Dahlan said...

Well, Aimun. Its hard to say sometimes. Life is hard & challenging. Well, you should avoid things which could start making you depressive. If you feel depressive then its harder for you to lead life.

Erm,painful? Believe me lah, I've been through much worst. I told you 1/4 (quarter) part of my story. I've suffered more pain, sometimes, like you, i can't forget the memories.

If you were my friend, i would love to ask you out for coffee. Sadly, I guess you won't say yes right?

Aisyah Munirah said...

Dont mind me. I guess I could just pray.

Dahlan said...

Erm,don't mind? Nah, its ok. Not a problem for me. Just trying to share my ways to help in depression. Aimun, i've been through it for 4 months because of something. Not the Dahlan problem, its something else.

I just like to share and take ideas from people. Don't mind listening, if you're willing to tell.

Aisyah Munirah said...

I have my own ways of handling it. Thanks.

Dahlan said...

Aha. Gotcha there.
Do it they way you like. Everyone has their perfect ways.

:)
Smile always then.

P.S - Why are u not online? You replied damn fast! Well, feeling so so scared about tomorrow!

D-SIM said...

pray and pray for u to find the silver lining in every cloud :)

Aisyah Munirah said...

dahlan : yeah thanks :)

disim : insyAllah :)