Salam to all.
All I can say is that I was and still devastated with myself. I feel like Im unfathomable, everything is. Im tired of thinking too hard about tiny and silly things that doesnt get myself to Syurga. Its really painful, and sometimes, I dont have the courage to withstand anymore of these nonsense. I dont think Im needed to be in this reality. Im no good, no use. Not to mention deteriorating my loved ones hopes on me. How to face them and all. I want to give up, but hope is still there. Oh God, I wish I can cry a bucket full :'(
Im nothing, nada, nil, zero. Im a failure to my parents and yet they dont seem to mind much, which kinda hurts me even more because they are looking out for me no matter what. Maybe I wronged Allah, maybe just maybe :(
Sorry seems to be the hardest word but IM TRULY SORRY that maybe at a particular moment I will let you down forever and I cannot fulfill your dreams in seeing me as a better person. IM SORRY that one day I might ruined your hopes and at the end of the day, you could only say 'Its okay, Its His will and he decided this for you. Every cloud has its silver lining'.
Im sorry for being so emotional here. But no one would understand me. It might seem small and stupid, but it certainly has made me feel so bad and sad that I cannot even endure it.
Sorry :'( . You can hate me if you want.