Salam to all.
It is now, 111 am in the morning. Still, my eyes are currently fresh for the night. Since after I came back from raya shopping spree, slept until 6 oclock. See, I dont have that kind of habit back in Seseri. Im always organised, when it comes to managing time at dorm or during prep. But sometimes, after a one tiring day of rushing up and down to classes, I tend to feel very sleepy in class or at dorm. So a friend that sits beside or the opposite would play a big role just make sure that I get enough sleep, the least is 5 minutes! 5 minutes, to be frank is quite long. Thanks to my dear classmates! Love you guys dearly :D
Somehow, this year, I dont actually feel the raya spirit lingering in me. Its like the 19th day of Ramadhan already, usually shopping malls would have started playing raya tunes just to fulfill the customers mood and hinting that raya is just around the corner. Asked nina, why I have that kind of feel, she said maybe because SPM is like 87 days left? The number used to be doubled, now lessens. As a not-so-bright student, I do feel the tense. Not only SPM, SBP trial is not showing any good sign that the future ahead me is bright. The papers, God Knows how hard it is.
I have experience many failures, even before the trials. The failures made me so strong that somehow it triggers me to force and hardened myself. Not easily giving in to things that might distort my effort. So yeah, I must admit, I was strong. Cried for certain times, but words that touched my heart kept me going. This is one big journey for me, eventhough some people might think that SPM is nothing or SPM is just a start. I need a good start.
It made me realize how tough life can be when youre in a boarding school, with all the pressure that you need to withstand. Maintaining your performance in your studies, honestly its not easy when you are not born genius. Peer pressure is another thing, to see your friends that once was always at the bottom, then suddenly they are rising, proving to the world that 'I can do it!'. Yeah, look on the bright side and get motivated. Everytime after I performed solat, I will always pray for my friends success, and I hope they pray for me too. Allah gives me all these ordeals and yet I understood why hes testing me in such a big way that gives impact in the inside, but I always remember what Umi says, whatever hardships I faced, always be thankful to Allah, show to him that we accept his reward, either good or bad, he knows the best. He knows where Im at in the next 20 years, he has already planned my map of life. Therefore, and in a nut shell, always be confident in Allah and insyAllah I'll find my way soon.
Maybe blogging is one the stress-releasing medium I need. Before, 'disappointment' is like cancer cells in our body. They do exist, but not activated. So does the disappointment in me. So I feel better I guess , when Im at home, seeing everyone happy to be one family again.
Then tomorrow, back to basics again :( Its okay, theres still 2 months left to live in hostel life. Ill miss it badly, miss all the fun moments I had with my dormmates and classmates, esp this year eventhough we were beaten up badly by them..
Happy Belated Birthday to my all-time listener Aimi Syahirah Azmi :) Sayang kau :)