Workspace for next two years, inshaAllah.
A very long and lonely Monday for me today. Months before my last entry in this blog was about my recent trip to Perth. And what do you know, within a few months so many things are not just same as it used to be. From all aspects of life, it was a transition from one point to another. It all happened too fast, that I was busy catching up with my pace that is just so slow. Not to say that I'm unhappy with the choices that I made, I came to realisation that time waits for no man and I definitely do not have time to wait for another opportunity to come by.
Alhamdulillah, what can I say. Allah has been so kind to me, that I don't even think I should whine and complain. Sitting here in Gloria Jeans Cafe, Bangi Gateway and having Chai Latte beside me while slowly typing all this down. 3 weeks before, I settled down in Bangi and rented somewhere near to UKM. Which means, is my first time ever being away from home, renting another place. Finally it feels like I'm adulting for real. Deep down, I've been wanting to do it for quite some time. Just needed to be secured in my own space where I do not have to feel bad or guilty while not being around at home. The funny thing, when I settled down during the first week in Bangi I kinda got homesick. Haha this is just another side of me that I honestly can't comprehend. I lost 2kg and my appetite to eat. I went to sleep early and didn't even bother to unpack my suitcase. I didn't even eat at night so I kinda went to sleep feeling so hungry but just not bothered to eat anything.
So this adulting thing just got real mate. Padan muka haha.
Not to mention, I was also SSI-sick too. On the first day as a UKM student, Waze turned up and was trying to set my journey to 'work', which was at the time SSI. Koyakkkk beb. It was a tough week for me, and I've never felt so lonely in my life. I mean, I was kind used to it when I was in SSI, but this one was just overwhelming. When the first week ended, I was looking forward to go back home so much that I feel ridiculous *insert laughing-crying emoji*. But alhamdulillah, safe to say that I managed to make myself comfortable here in Bangi. I used to hate it so much because of how crowded it was and I would always get lost since theres just so many roundabouts and roads. Well what do you know, benci-benci kat sini jugak kena campak haha.
Entering my fourth week here and that feeling of wanting to finish everything quickly is the only thing that keeps me sane and motivated to do my work. I mean, its full-time research and I'm expected to be here until 2020. Which means I will have a loooot of time to do my research. Well I don't really know what to predict. I'm determined to double my efforts and focus more on the research it self. That means I have to stay away from all sorts of distractions. And honestly, being clueless about a lot things (UKM & Bangi in particular) and having no one that I closely know, here its kinda working. I've been eating well, less junk sugary oily food. I fast on Mondays and Thursdays. I would jog at least twice a week and been spending ZERO on cinemas (time out for me). McD is like 20 mins from where I live and I don't know whats the latest spot for makan-makan (thank godd). For the past 3 weeks, I've been spending on average of RM50-30 per week on food. Which is such a bizarre thing for me, knowing how I NEVER tolerate when it comes to food haha.
IM PROUD OF MYSELF! Please pray that I become steadfast in this journey for another 2 more years. I'm picturing myself as a healthy and skinny Aisyah Munirah in 2020 inshaAllah!
Helok tak akak? Bahaha.
Now lets talk about the Farewell part.
Never thought I would made up my mind to leave SSI. It was the hardest decision to make but I know opportunities does not come all the time. I just couldn't turn down the offer of pursuing masters degree in a field that I would have some basic knowledge on. Lets just say I'm taking a study break for two years, and inshaAllah I'll be back doing to what I love. I developed a passion in teaching whilst in SSI and I'm quite thankful to know that I finally know what I want to do in life. I realised that I have to work in an environment where children MUST exist and I can't picture myself working at other types of environment. That means corporate is just a no-no!
In September, we started our first term for this new academic year and it decided it going to be my last. I spent one whole month doing handover and making sure that everything is top notch right before I leave. It was an emotional one month for me. Thinking about my colleagues, my HOD and my students. Did I leave an impact in their lives? Will they miss me when I'm gone? Will my students remember me when I'm no longer there? All sorts of questions and thoughts. This is what being a teacher does to you. You will surely develop an emotional attachment with them, even if they don't. Parts and parcel of being an educator eh.
SSI is the first chapter for me and I will forever treasure all the good and bad. There is no other place like it, honestly. Not trying to be biased or anything, but I was not the same person as I was when first work there. I think I have grew as a person, and picked up some useful skills that can be applied just anywhere else. Most importantly, gaining the trust of every student that I taught. It was difficult at first to develop the bond with these privileged kids, but in the end their hearts are just pure and they need us teachers to guide them. InshaAllah, I'll come back stronger as an individual.
On my last day, the school threw a farewell party for all the leavers, alhamdulillah.
And with my beloved students..
I get to do an assembly with primary, for the last time.
Grade 9 girlss.
Most of the students I knew them from Kindy to Primary, Primary to Secondary. They all grew too fast!
And I got some presents from them too. Feeling soo loved, alhamdulillah.
So that is all for tonight. I've been wanting to do this ever since I touched down Bangi, and finally being able to adjust to own time is easier. Just have to find a good spot to do some memory brainwashing.
Till then, next post xx.