As a teacher who works in an international school, I anticipated for this day to come. Holidays guys! What else lol. Alhamdulillah all of us had successfully completed the first term. I'd say it was a good one. A goood one. Lots of changes. New faces, new facilities, new SOP, new systems and new expectations. Was told all of this before hand, so it wasn't a shocker for me to face all these new things happening around the school. Adjusted to it and alhamdulillah slowly digesting all the bits and pieces. Even for my department, we had to establish a new format that is still in the process of trial and error. As planning takes a lot of time, imagine the execution. And bare in mind that we also had to think about the student's well being and capacity to fulfil all of the new format. It was a struggle for them at first as I took weeks to explain to them the format, but alhamdulillah our event last weekend showed the otherwise. They kinda surprised us all and yes, I can never underestimate my students. Even on last minute work, somehow they managed to pull of something really great and everyone was extremely impressed. So for making all things happen for this especially, all credit goes to them.
So lets just say I ended this term on a good note. Work has been an amazing journey so far but deep down I know this is not what I plan to do on a long term basis. I keep forgetting that I have something to achieve for myself as I see all these things I'm involved with at school as something that involves a collaborative effort. Which is crucial when you're a part of team that is accountable for the student's character development. I've seen some positive changes from my students and I am happy to see that the change is influencing other people too. This job, requires me to reflect on my own character every single day. In a way I am sharing what I know with them, but indirectly with their unique and indifferent personalities, I am learning too from them.
For the past few days, I had deep thoughts circling in my head. I was thinking about what's gonna happen next year? I will be 25 in 6 months and I feel like I haven't achieved anything just yet. I don't feel this vessel of mine is pushing itself to the limits and having to postpone the desire of channeling my one true passion in life. Its not there yet. Allah says not this time, which is why I would console myself saying that the ummah needs your help and it needs your time and energy. Which also led me to stay and fulfil my current duties and responsibilities.
This is also the part where you would see people making progress in their lives. A friend is trying to get his thesis writing done. Another friend just got engaged. Another friend is about to deliver her baby soon. Another friend just bought his first house. Progress and more progress. One step closer to another. Often I would feel envious of their achievements, while other times I would again console this self repeatedly by reminding that sustenance or 'rezeki' works in many many ways. Allah had it all mapped out for each individual even before we were born. I will be there..just not now. Allah wants me to do something else :-) Amazing isnt it. I would just look around myself (literally) and observe all the things that I have and the privileges that I'm getting. More than enough for now..Alhamdulillah.
Social Theme Event 'Child Exploitation'..last weekend. :-) *loved the deco!
I hope 2018 will be a start of something new. Its about time I think for myself..serious business. 25 is like the age where I feel like I need to prove that I'm worthy of something. Its just a thought that I had few days and I need to make it a reality. Anything that gets in the way, I would have to eliminate it. Circles are going to be smaller..people will disappear..and I'm ready to face all that. I've had ups and downs dealing with people surrounding me and how everything is mostly temporary. Its probably the qualities that I have that doesn't make them appeal to stay. I'm fine with that. Its time I teach myself to be more independent, and having less expectation, less dependency on anyone basically. If reaching towards my goal means I have to be in this journey alone, then I have live up to it. And besides, I have Allah, even from day one He has never left my side. After a series of events happening lately, my reliance on Allah surpassed everything else in this world. Its an incredible feeling..indescribable. If only I can visualise this feeling, I would.
I shall blurt more on having to go through depression few weeks back, and miraculously how I managed to get myself back on track. With every single thing that had happened, how it affected my work, my thinking capacity..and you know all sorts of things. It was one of the most darkest periods of my life and I had to go through it alone. But thats fine because again through this episode of my life, I gained high reliance on Allah. Tawakkal and Imaan was like the last string for me. If I were to lose all that during this period, honestly I wouldnt be able to pen all these thoughts down now. I saw how powerful negativity was and I was at wits ends. InshaAllah some other time..